I think a trip to BEAUTIFUL Tiburon would clear things up (peace to you, all!). Since that's probably not possible...
I used to manage 3 LOVELY senior properties in Tiburon and out of all of my portfolio, those were the sites I loved to visit most... because the area is absolutely break-taking. Since I am familiar with the area, let me give you a little "tour" -
As some of you may know, Marin County (where Tiburon is), is one of the COUNTRY'S (not just California) "best" counties. Along with counties such as Napa (where Mr. Williams also had a house), Sonoma, and parts of the Peninsula, their are fewer counties in Northern California more desirable to those with wealth than Marin. Not only that, but Marin County is RIFE with outdoors-ness. It is home to Muir Woods, where one "Star Wars" episodes and both "Planet of the Apes" episodes were filmed. George Lucas owns a home there, as to many other celebrities, including Carlos Santana (who would be my OTHER husband... after Keanu Reeves, but before Lawrence Fishburne... maybe).
Marin County is bordered on three sides by water: the Pacific to the west, SF Bay to the south, and San Pablo Bay to the East... and home to not only some of the loviest beaches in California (including Stinson Beach and Point Reyes Station), but is SO desirable a location that TWO of the areas toll bridges... the Golden Gate and the Richmond... access it. It is home not only to lovely Tiburon, but other wonderful little villages, such as Sausalito, Mill Valley, Fairfax, Kent, Ross, and Novato (all of which I had to frequent to service my portfolios).
In addition to the plethora of beaches, there is also GREAT hiking... on Mt. Tamalpais... and Angel Island (which was the WESTERN "Ellis Island" for immigrants entering the country from 1910 to 1940.
The word "Tiburon" is Spanish for "shark"... named for the infested waters in its small cove (just north of Alcatraz Island).
I could go on, but there's something more pressing I want to address:
Quote:
he was in the early stages of Parkinson's disease
Last year, my elderly aunt (who some of you know I went to visit, once close to 2 years ago... and then last year, when her second youngest grandson, my cousin's 19 year old son, died from MDS (a form of cancer resulting from treatment for leukemia). My aunt suffers from Parkinson's disease. Last year, she underwent the same kind of surgery that Michael J. Fox did (neuro implants in the brain) and that was a HUGE success. I say huge... because prior to, I had to talk my aunt out of suicide at least 5 times. Before the surgery, her condition was SO bad, SO advanced, that when I first saw her (after 20 years), I was horrified. But I didn't want her to know that... or to be afraid... so I sucked it up (of course I did!).
The only thing she could do for herself... was talk. She could not walk, or feed, clothe, or bathe herself... because the SHAKING was SO severe, it just didn't allow it. She could not keep food on the FORK, let alone the spoon, that's how HARD she shook. NOT like Muhammed Ali... or Michael J. Fox; WORSE. The ONLY time she didn't shake... was when she was asleep. Awake, though... she literally shook herself down the stairs one day, the last time she was permitted to walk. And so, when I saw her, she was confined to her bed and/or wheelchair. My heart BROKE for her.
What shocked me MOST, though, was that the reason I WENT... is because my dear aunt... who I always considered a rock... wanted to die SO badly... she kept telling me she was going to kill herself... or have someone else do it. And, per my cousins... was very serious, to the point of making plans. My aunt... the DEVOUT Lutheran. And some of you will recall, that my mother's family is absolutely DEVOUT Lutheran... we even having our own family church (formed in 1869 by my great-great grandparents, children of the slave owner, after they were freed by their father, who gave them the land, which land, church, cemetery - where my mother is buried - is still in my family today. I digress.).
THIS aunt, next to my mother, was the MOST devout... when I was growing up, so... her position was very concerning to me. But she was resolved: if she could do it... or get someone else to do it, she wasn't going to live with her condition another day. The ONLY thing that kept her alive was that she shook SO much and so HARD she could NEVER do it (she couldn't get a pill to stay in her hand, much less make it to her mouth! And a knife or needle? She was more apt to put an eye out than kill herself!). She also, though, had hope (but very little) for a potential surgery... but her faith was failing her (although her love of God did not - she felt like Job: "I love you, God, and always will... but I can't take this, I can't live like this!").
And so I spent a LOT of time talking with her and praying with her... BEFORE I went... AFTER I arrived... and on many occasions until she had the surgery. Indeed, the first time I went to see her was because she asked me to come AND pray with her, not do it over the phone. And so I went... and was permitted to also wash her feet while I was there, which she humbly and gratefully allowed me to do. But it was MY privilege.
On to today:
Although her hopes were up before the surgery, they were almost immediately dashed after... and for about a year... because there was no change. Absolutely none. But she had been told to expect that, that it was because the probes have to be "calibrated" and "adjusted" which takes about a year. She KNEW this... but her despair was GREAT. So, it was almost as it we were back to square one: I talked her out of wishing to die twice more. And I prayed, let me TELL you... because MY aunt, COMPLETELY healthy, was a force to be reckoned with. Imagine her... with Parkinson's... and no will to live! LONG discussions... and LONG prayers... and MUCH "flinty forehead" on MY part, let me tell you.
Eventually, though, they managed to get the probes adjusted and, as far as I know (i.e., what she tells me)... she is doing GOOD! She can walk, go out, shop a bit, FEED, BATHE, and CLOTHE herself (with a little help)!!!
So, when I read this about Mr. Williams, I first thought, "Ohhhh, nooooo! They have SURGERY, now!" And then my Lord reminded me: my aunt's "good"... is STILL not what most would be able to live with. PARTICULARLY a man who has lived more than half his life in the public eye... and in a world where the MEDIA is SO unkind under these circumstances. He reminded me of the tabloid covers in grocery store checkout lines where the illness and aging of celebrities is not only fodder for gossip... but actually considered "entertainment." He reminded of the covers I've seen of folks well into their senior years... some in the their 80's and 90's... yet these rags have NO problem speculating and opining on their "condition"... the "causes"... even going so far as to take issue with them for LOOKING OLD. People in their 80's and 90's. And so,
"What, then, child," he asked me,
"Do you think this man feared they would do to HIM? He knew he would have had to have become a recluse, something almost impossible for a man like him, one who NEEDS to be with and among people, who loves people... and NEEDS people to love HIM. THAT is why he chose laughter as his occupation - he knew people NEED laughter, just as HE did. He could not face their disdain... revulsion... which he knew was sure to come. He knew that in HIS world "beauty" was also associated with GOOD health... and that BAD health was something many could not... WOULD not... tolerate. He could not bear going from a smiling clown, in their eyes, to a grotesque "jester." And many would have thought of him in that way... or used such an image to make their money selling images of him. He would have had to hide himself, every where he went."And so, knowing what my aunt experienced... which may yet return and so we might just be back there, at some point... but even more, what my dear Lord HIMSELF experienced, having to hide HIMSELF from people due to HIS illnesses... I understand. I totally understand. And I am grateful to my dear Lord to giving me the TRUTH, although I would not have judged Mr. Williams - I have been very sad in MY life... and tired. Not to wanting to kill myself, but so sad and so tired that I can TOTALLY understand how someone who is MORE sad... MORE tired... and possible more afraid... than I've ever been... might want to.
I do not know what to offer to those who have GIVEN up all hope. I can say, "Hang in there!" or "God/Christ loves you!" But I don't think either will matter. I think many of those who take their own lives KNOW God loves them. They just can't live... anymore... with... whatever it is they can't live with... anymore.
For those who can't live with pain... or illness... any longer: May your sins be forgiven. I totally forgive you. May you have peace.
... and (hope to) see you soon (enough).
To ALL of you... may the peace of Christ be upon you.
A slave of Christ,
SA