xjwsforChrist

CRIMINY SAID

About a year ago we started packing up everything in the house and moving it out into the two utility sheds in the back yard. Got rid of the old furniture and then, finally, had that ugly old mobile home hauled outta here, to be replaced by a brand new one. Got all new furniture and moved the boxes back in from the shed. Well, most of the boxes... I guess we didn't need the old library anymore.

I decided to go through some of that stuff over the weekend and start throwing it away. All the books, bibles, stacks and stacks of magazines. Sifting through the debris, I had the oddest feeling of sadness. Not depression- not like I've had before over the tumult of awakening and disassociating. Just a deep, deep sadness over the loss of what I thought I possessed and the enormity of what it all means. I thought I was going to cry but [deep voice] I AM MAN [/deep voice] so I didn't.

Although I am still unsettled over the loss of my family, I have never been more comfortable and sure of the direction my life is heading. Even as an active JW who believed with all his heart he was in the truth and doing right and securing his future, I never felt this alive and a vital part of the big picture issue of taking a stand for God. I left that organization so I could salvage my relationship with God because I felt it slipping away. In every respect, my life is better now; spiritually, having a peace of mind, my nerves have settled, even financially better off from not feeding the beast.

Yet, tossing old Watchtower magazines into the trash container left me feeling empty. Sad. Maybe a little nostalgic. The enormity of this life-altering event doesn't have big teeth anymore.

It's just kind of sad.
_________________
I could'a been a bug.

NAMBO SAID

Maybe not what you are looking for, but I like to remind folk that whatever you did in the JWs, provided it was done for God, none of it was wasted, God remembers what people do for him, and why, even if its not quite right.

Theres a scripture somewhere about Jesus knowing his sheep wherever they might be.

When I was a Witness, I felt I was actually being a Disciple, God and Jesus knew that, thats why they allowed themselves to be found by me and gave me Holy Spirit, it wasn't because I was in a true or false religion, it was that personal relationship I had and that they anointed me for.

Now without that wonderful work of the field ministry, Iam at a bit of a loss, what am I supposed to do now as a Disciple?

I read the Bible at work in front of everyone that does indeed lead to a lot of Bible Witnessing, but its still not quite the same, so like you, Iam sad and nostalgic for those day when I had a way of showing God and Jesus what I wanted to do for them..

MY hope now is that they will know and remember this, and therefore when the end does come, then they will find work for you to do.

LEANN SAID

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 12:58 pm Post subject:
I remember the day we threw all our literature away... It had an odd emotion too it. We have placed so much value to it (even saved old copies to give to people right? Live saving) and what it represented. To realize that it belonged in a trash bin was oddly sad.

The JW religion is easy because every little thing is spelled out for you. And then when you do it just as they wanted you too, you are 'rewarded" with praise and position. We felt good about accepting the praise because we were saving lives. It was neat and tidy, when that is gone, we are left with the feeling of 'now what?'.

Having been gone for a few years, and struggling through that transisiton I have realized that our love is not defined by 'huge' things.. 'live saving work.' It is the small things that have the largest impact... (pouring oil on the feet of christ). A relationship is built on stones instead of a slab.

It's hard to cut a chunk out of us, even if we know it was bad, because emptiness can be a scary feeling.. what will fill the void? Growth will fill in the cavatity.

With his love
LeAnn

GLADIATOR SAID


Quote:
Criminy - I thought I was going to cry but [deep voice] I AM MAN [/deep voice] so I didn't.


Leaving behind any way of life is a moving experience. Being a Jehovah's Witnesses was not all bad and most of us who left have many memories of happy times. Such as euphoria at standing in a stadium surrounded by people we loved and expected to soon share a new world with. Sadly it was all built on a false premise; a house of cards that was bound to collapse.

Looking back it was an invaluable lesson that has helped me to be careful what I accept as true and avoid many other pitfalls. Hope you continue to move on taking the lessons of your experience with you and enjoying a happy life in freedom. By the way - even gladiators cry.

SOFT/GENTLE SAID

glad it doesn't have big teeth anymore, criminy. I don't know if the sadness ever leaves completely. I guess it is a lot like losing someone in death.

I have a trick of the mind that I do when I feel sad over losses that have passed and that sometimes cause me to return to them with the feelings you describe and it is similar to what gladiator has said. It is that there is much that I can reclaim from my time as a witness.

AGUEST SAID

I know how you felt, dear Crim (peace to you!) - I burned all of my "magic practicing" books/magazines, etc., in a large metal trash can. I didn't want ANYONE to get hold of them and be "poisoned" and misled! But I didn't enjoy doing it. It was similar to the breakup of my marriage: I KNEW it was no longer any good for me, and yet I felt some "regret" (though not much) over the years I had spent in it, felt melancholy because it was a part of my life that was "changing" (and no matter WHO we are, there are some changes that we just don't want/like)... felt a sense of loss due to the psuedo-friendships/fellowship I knew I would no longer have (like losing in-laws in a divorce - which, given SOME in-laws, heck, family, can be a good thing - LOL!)... and felt sorry for those who were still in and enslaved ("Now that I am free, how can I help THEM? What do I OWE them?").

BUT... ALL of that was overshadowed by the GREAT joy I felt... in BEING FREE! The RELIEF! The... "lightness"! The... FREEDOM (to love whomever I wanted, even an "enemy"!). And the knowledge that they aren't who they claim to be, so that the "God" and "Christ" THEY'VE created doesn't have to be reconciled with the God and Christ I have come to know. NO MORE CONFUSION on that issue!

I didn't have a burnfest, no. No dancing around the fire with glee, giggling madly as that wormwood crackled and "died." BUT... I did feel like I had finally gotten a monkey off my back! And man, that sucka' ha been CHOKIN' and SCRATCHIN' the H*LL out of my back! And he was BIG! Life is hard enough to "carry" on its own, dear one. Praise JAH, I don't have to carry that big-butt silverbac-sized harlot on MY back, as WELL, any more!

As with all life severances, whether it be losing one's religion, losing a marriage, having the kids grow up and move out, dear one... the feelings associated with such... with change and/or loss... while momentarily "touching"... can and shall pass... and, if one let's them... be replaced by much, much better feelings! As you've stated! May this continue to occur for you and yours!

Again, peace to you!

Your servant and a slave of Christ,

SA

AGUEST SAID



You are supposed to do what that "work" literally trained you FOR, dear Nambo (peace to you, dear one!):

"The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, 'Come!'"Revelation 22:17

So many read this to say, "Let him who hears 'Come'!", but that is NOT what it says. It SAYS... "Let him who hears... SAY... 'Come'!"

And if nothing else, they trained us to talk to others, boldly, about God and Christ. True, they didn't each us accurately what to SAY... but that's okay: we have holy spirit for that!

To WHOM are we to say "Come!", though? The verse tells us:

"Whoever is thirstylet him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life."[/color]Revelation 22:17

Note, it doesn't tell us to go out and randomly knock on doors. Nor did our first century brothers and sisters. True, they were sent out, but they were sent out TO specific ones: the Household of God, Israel, whether such be Jew or Gentile (nations). CHRIST chooses, not us. And God draws such ones. Not us.

So, then, like Peter, Phillip, Ananias, Paul, etc., the Spirit TELLS you who to go to, who is "deserving"... or sends such one(s) TO you. YOU just have to be willing... and ready... to "feed" them when he does. Which means YOU have to LISTEN... when Christ speaks to YOU... so as to hear what it is you are to SAY to such ones.

Those sent out by Christ weren't just sent willy-nilly; he told them who to "search out": those "deserving". This wasn't based on our own perception of what makes one deserving, dear one, but on God's through Christ. And so, for example, as with Phillip, you will KNOW... because the Spirit will TELL you.

And no, Paul and associates didn't go preaching "from house to house", or knocking on doors in the manner touted by the WTBTS. He went teaching "from house to house" OF the houses of those ALREADY called. Because he would STAY with such ones, IN their homes, when he came to their towns.

We are just workers, dear one. The harvest is not ours, but our Master's. So it's not up to us to say who is "fruit" of that harvest and who is not, outside of HIM telling/identifying such one(s) TO us.

All YOU need do is let YOUR light "shine"... and those who are "deserving" will not only see it... but he will send them to you... and you to them. Because HE knows their heart.

I hope this helps and, again, peace to you!

YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,

SA

THENOBLELODGE SAID

@ Criminy

I know that very same feeling, that sadness, the awful feeling of throwing everything out, wondering if I was doing the right thing. I think that time will be etched in my memory for a long time.

I got over it though and I did go through many different emotions, anger being one I really struggled with. All I could think of was they stole my life, my husbands and my childrens. So many memories we would never be able to make as a family, like birthdays and christmas. I have celebrated three christmases now and every one I have started to dress the tree and just sobbed and sobbed. No memories of my children laughing and getting all excited. No tradition of reading them The night before christmas on christmas eve, no children waking us at the crack of dawn to open presents.....nothing. No birthday parties and being made to feel special....nothing. Some may feel that it isn't that important but it was/is to me.

I didn't have a very happy childhood and I didn't want my children to have sad horrible memories and yet, that is all I gave them because they were both bullied beyond belief whilst growing up. By ones that should have been like brothers and sisters to them, ones that they should have felt safe with.

This christmas we are all together and I have asked the girls if we can all dress the tree (plus my grandchildren) so we can make some memories.

It's great being free, having a faith in God and Christ and not having to answer to men anymore. Yeah it's great to be free.



Peace

CRIMINY SAID





Just letting your light shine is a much louder witness than walking door to empty door, JW-style. First of all, letting your light shine has no not-at-homes and no one will ever tell you they're not interested.

EXAMPLE: At work, I make sure my speech is clean, I kid around but no vulgar jokes, I do my job and am quick to talk scripture with anyone who is interested, always conscious not to over do it because I know how annoying it can be.

The other day I made a flip comment in response to something someone said, it was off color, and a co-worker called me on it immediately.

"That wasn't funny, [Criminy]. Not coming from you."

It's not that what I said was overtly vulgar, but it certainly brushed up against vulgar. The point is, they noticed. I stood there feeling stupid because I stepped out of my character and all eyes were on me. Just letting your light shine says A LOT! In my case, it has also attracted the other guys on the crew who also tend to have clean speech and avoid the filthy jesting and who are, in general, men of good character. We tend to have our own "clique", of sorts.

Even some of the other guys tend to watch their mouth when conducting business with me. It's very noticeable (and funny) the way they stammer sometimes, looking for a word to substitute for the cuss word they were about to use.



Exactly why I don't worry too much about the family still stuck in. I perceive most of them (eh.. !) are sincere in what they believe. I know God will take notice.
_________________
I could'a been a bug.

QUENDI SAID

As a bibliophile and owner of a 2,000-volume personal library, throwing away any book is hard for me to do. So I can understand how some have felt in disposing of their WTS library. I got rid of most of my materials. Some was on the Watchtower Library cd-rom, so the loss wasn't that great. I did keep some copies of the New World Translation, the Comprehensive Concordance, the old Aid to Bible Understanding and the Insight volumes. I kept them as reference works more than anything else.

One thing I always found curious while I was a Witness was the attitude many in the organization had about books in general. Most of the Witnesses I knew were not avid readers at all. Those who visited my home were overwhelmed--almost frightened--to see so many bookcases there. They would timidly scan the shelves and then remark about the nature of the books on them. Fiction, classics, geography, history, mathematics, science and cooking were the bulk of the subjects and areas of interest on display. WTS volumes occupied but a small amount of space, prompting even elders to comment on so many "worldly" books I had in comparison to the ones dealing with "the Truth". I usually responded that I was proud of my education and that if they wanted to remain and wallow in ignorance that was their own affair. Hearing that, the Witnesses would quickly change the subject.

Quendi
_________________
Aut viam inveniemus aut faciemus.

Ad astra per aspera.

JUSTMOM SAID

Hello to all...

Ecclesiates 12:12 ..."My son take this warning. To the making of many books (mags/tracts/brochures/cds/etc) there is NO END. And the studying of them is wearisome to the flesh."

WOW!!! That was a FREE feeling...... and boy was I weary.

To the dump we went and buried them all. Never regretted it to this day.

Glad others can understand
justmom

AGUEST SAID

As a bibliophile and owner of a 2,000-volume personal library,

I can kind of relate, dear Q (peace to you!). Hubby is a bibliophile. We moved 85 boxes of books in when we bought our house, NOT including one of THE most comprehensive WTBTS libraries on the planet (those did NOT make it into the house - they spent many years in the garage, where their "remnants" - dating back to the early 1900's - still reside). At one point, we had 15 tall book cases throughout... down to four tall and one short inside, three tall and two short in the "studio" now, praise JAH - LOL!. We got here by eventually making a deal: no books come IN... unless an equal amount go OUT. Not 100% there, yet, but close (about 80%, which is a HUGE improvement!). Box of books waiting for a trip to the exchange in the trunk as we speak - LOL!

But, hey, it ain't coke, crank, likker, or wimmen... so I say let the man have his books! I mean, if ever a harmless (and beneficial) vice (ceptin' maybe Hugh Hefner's library - LOL!)

A bibliophile and his/her books are not soon parted, dear ones. Trust me on this!

Peace!

SA, on her own...

CRIMINY SAID

Just Mom, the reading of the literature was something I mostly enjoyed. It wasn't the volume of literature that grew wearisome, it was the content. I remember the last time I picked up a Watchtower. I was feeling pretty cruddy that day and I needed a spiritual shot in the arm. I took a magazine to bed with me and was reading a nice article about how we have Jehovah's blessing, blah, blah, God's love... and out of left field, with no logical association to the topic whatsoever came yet another WT attack on homosexuals. I threw the magazine across the room and never picked up another. About a year later I disassociated.

Wow! After reading AGuest's description of a bibliophobe I'm glad I ain't one.

The only item of WTS literature that I kept was my large print NWT bible. I paid $100 to have that thing leather bound. Besides, I have a collection of many bibles.
_________________
I could'a been a bug.

DING SAID

Some XJWs find it useful to retain the literature because the Watchtower's own writings are often the best tool for getting others out. For example, it's one thing to hear that the organization thought 1975 might be the end; it's quite another to actually read all the comments out of their actual literature.

True, much is available online or on CDs nowadays, but the organization has been known to alter things or keep embarrassing references out of their indexes...

JUSTMOM SAID

Yes Ding...

They do alter/change/hide and they call it "new light."

They realize folks see things, question and after they warn/label these people as apostates, then they say the light has gotten brighten. Bull *#@!

justmom