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Hi Leaving, I've been pondering your posts here and wondering if my experience helps in any way. Apologies if you've previously heard it.
I was anointed during a time when I'd left the JWs. Unfortunately, instead of waiting on Christ to direct me, I PRESUMED unequivocally, that I was meant to return to the JWs. It was the only context of an anointing I was aware of at the time. So, I went back, and spent many years in there. I felt my spirituality being weakened over time and spent many sleepless nights struggling with what I thought was my rebellious inner voice, as I recognised so many things that were not truthful, both in doctrine and behaviour. Being so absolutely in awe of my anointing I couldn't bear to leave the god that had so lovingly bestowed such a gift upon me. I felt that I must stay if He loved me so much. I am pretty sure I would have persisted in this way except that events took a turn and I had to leave my very bad marriage. Soon after that I was disfellowshipped, unjustly I felt, and despite my repentance for an error.
Can you imagine how that felt, loving my God the way I did? It absolutely broke me into little pieces to say the least. I sobbed and prayed over and over for days and weeks, unable to believe it had happened and that the society's vow that only unrepentant sinners were disfellowshipped, was a lie. At first I attempted attending some meetings in the hope of future reinstatement. The last one I attended in this way, there was an item about confessing one's sins to elders who would be sure to treat one lovingly and mercifully. I got up and walked out. I told my Heavenly Father that my trust in the organisation was gone completely and that I was unable ever to return to them. I also promised that my faith in Him wasn't diminished and that I would wait on His direction for my future. At the time this took a fair amount of courage and faith, as you can imagine.
That is exactly what I did LQ. Without my family and with all my friends lost, I leaned on Him and waited. I had no one else. I went through some really difficult times with my health and my family, and my finances, it was a very painful time, but He never left me. Over time I wondered if I was meant to join another 'church' but no, my spirit rebelled if I tried. Eventually via another forum, I was 'led' I am sure, to Shelby and Tec and JustMom. Then we moved here, to this wonderfully 'safe' city.
I worried that I couldn't 'hear' although I could 'feel' the direction of the spirit within me. Gradually I began to trust more and then eventually found that not only could I hear, but like Tec shared, that I had been hearing for a long time. The problem was that I wasn't always listening! I spent a long time berating myself for acting so presumptuously and going back to the JWs. Back to "touching the unclean thing", which, in turn, also harmed my family. I didn't know they were unclean of course, but still... Gradually I was reminded by Jaheshua that I had had enough direction to see that they were not from His father. I had put my loyalty in the organisation (as we were taught of course), rather than in Jah and Christ, even when I saw that they were corrupt. Again I PRESUMED that Jah wanted me to stay there, so I did.
It's been a long hard lesson to learn. And in the light of the recent thread if I had kept on seeking the righteousness of the kingdom, instead of theirs or indeed worrying about my own, perhaps I would have not gone back or not stayed as I did. Hindsight is wonderful isn't it? But I am so grateful to have been rescued from that 'daughter' LQ, and I truly believe I was rescued, and to be forgiven for acting upon my own understanding, instead of waiting on His direction. Not only that but I have received many blessings since then and now have a life of relative peace and considerable happiness.
It isn't rocket science really, we can all see the lies and hypocrisy in the WTBS, once we look objectively with our hearts and minds open and honest. It's so clear to see that CHRIST wants none of His sheep trapped in there. At some point LQ we have to trust enough to put ourselves into the hands of Jah and his son Jaheshua. There is no salvation anywhere else.
You are in my prayers brother,
Loz x
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"This is my son. LISTEN to Him!"
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"I am proud to say that I will not lift one finger ( except my middle finger) for the WTBTS." 