xjwsforChrist

Warning: rant.... I just gotta do this every now and then.

Yeah, I know this forum is for xJWs, but I'm still in. I can't break away without utterly destroying everyone around me emotionally. I can't even have a true spiritual conversation with my wife because she is so wrapped up in JW beliefs that she can't even bear to discuss what the Bible really says. That, plus our marriage is just plain miserable. No arguing anymore because there's just no point. We just don't agree on anything at all, and to make matters worse, compromise is not a word in her vocabulary. Everything has to be her way or not at all. On top of that, she seems to be angry all the time. Angry at people. Angry at the neighbors just because their kids are playing on the street and making noise. Angry at me for every little thing I do. It's extremely disheartening, all of this.

I'm generally a happy person. But these two HUGE things, being in a religion I have zero respect for anymore, and being stuck in a bad marriage makes me a very negative person. I came across a scripture the other day that made me smile. Proverbs 21:19 in the 'new and improved' NWT says: "Better to dwell in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome and irritable wife." This one adds to one I already knew at Proverbs 19:13: "A stupid son brings adversity on his father, and a quarrelsome wife is like a roof that never stops leaking."

I don't know what to do about either of these problems. My parents converted to JW when I was a toddler. Parents and sibling still very much in. Father is an elder. Quitting the JW religion would cause so much pain to family and friends. So would divorcing. I do not want to cause anyone any pain, but I'm at my wits end.

Ok, that's my rant for now. Just needed to get it out there.

Hi LQ, I'm not surprised you feel like ranting. An unhappy marriage is a horrible situation to live through. I stayed in mine nearly 30 years, for various reasons. My biggest regret is that I didn't leave it years before. Nobody should have to live in misery. Life is too precious.

In terms of the WTBS, if leaving dramatically would cause such pain to others, and that keeps you in, what about a fade...blame depression or work or anything that frees you to stop attending but not be disfellowshipped?

I'm very sad for you, sometimes we have to care for our own selves as much as we care for others' feelings, and change our lives for the better. I hope you can find a way to do that.

Loz x

_________________
"This is my son. LISTEN to Him!"

Good morning LQ..

Anyone who has suffered a bad marriage..
Will tell you how good it is to get out..
Once your out ..
Your life will get a lot better..

"It`s better to be alone,than to want to be alone".....Purple Sofa

She`s right.
That one sentence has stuck with me for a lot of years..

......................................OUTLAW

_________________

Dear, dear LQ... peace to you... and I totally understand the rant. Right now, you might only be needing some kind and "soothing" words, but if you will allow me, I would like to comment, and candidly, but with absolutely NO offense intended. If my words feel... "offensive"... perhaps you might allow yourself a moment, think on my INTENT... "listen" to what I am sharing... and THEN be offended, if you still can be? Okay, then:



Absolutely understandable, especially considering your situation!



In body, yes. And that's important, too.



I hesitate to ask this, but... are you ABSOLUTELY SURE of this? Or... does it just SEEM that way... because perhaps you are being emotionally manipulated? Maybe not... but...



Or... maybe she can't... because she TOO can see the discrepancies... but because of FEAR... and not knowing "where else" to "go away TO"... she is fighting against what is going on in HER... and so resisting YOU? Remember, it's a pretty big thing for one to "lose" their religion. For some, it feels like the end of the WORLD.

Ideally, any JW who is worth their weight in wheat (pun intended)... and REALLY dedicated (to "Jehovah")... would not only WANT to discuss what the Bible really says, but would INSTITUTE the discussion... and engage you... knowledgeably, intelligently... and confidently. I mean, isn't that BASIS for the "preaching work", to "go make disciples... teaching them to observe all things [CHRIST said]?? Unfortunately, MOST JWs... are NOT confident when it comes to their Bible "knowledge." Other than the few verses that the WTBTS keeps pushing, they really don't KNOW their Bibles! This is something that greatly confused me when I WAS a Witness... and blew me away once I no longer was. I thought, as they TEACH, of ALL the people on the planet, surely JWs know their Bibles!! Nope. Not even close. They know WTBTS propaganda and rhetoric.

What I also learned, though, is that when people's knowledge is CHALLENGED... knowledge they CLAIM to possess but when put to the task show they DO NOT... they tend to get a little angry. At YOU, the one who is presenting the challenge. NOT because you're trying to - YOU are simply going by what THEY say (they know)... and trying to treat them accordingly. But in doing so, you are most likely exposing where they are NOT living in truth, but in a LIE. Which makes them angry... at themselves, really... but which they blame and project on you. I have experienced that many times and it USED to confuse me.

Perhaps that is why your dear wife is "angry" - NOT at you... but at what she DOESN'T really know... and how engaging with you exposes that. Your knowledge "makes" her feel "stupid." Thing is... that's really HER problem, not yours. SHE just doesn't realize that... yet. And so, she AVOIDS such discussions... because she can't REALLY engage IN them.

If that's the case, then perhaps you might consider that trying to talk with her really isn't a GOOD thing; in fact, it COULD be not only a waste of time (for now)... but actually add fuel to the "fire". Maybe, then, you should consider refraining from speaking with her... if she can't HANDLE it.



While agreement is good, luv, agreement isn't the basis for marriage: love is the basis. Yes? And so, if YOU love HER... why not let yourself be wronged? I mean, if your life (or your children's) is not in danger... and/or she's not leading you into ruin... and/or she's not running around on you... and/or she's not openly disrespectful of/to you to others... what else matters?



Well, yeah... sorry, but that's kind of a "wife"/girl/woman/mom ('cause girlfriends/moms do it, too) thang. We, women, can be very selfish in relationships because we want things to go our way. We NEED them to... so that WE feel "okay." And because a LOT of the responsibility for the "relationship" (both as spouse AND as parent) is on us. And so the best way for us to feel that (good)... is to try and maintain SOME kind of control (especially over OUR lives... which, as you can guess, for a JW wife... is almost a BATTLE to have... both IN the house and outside of it!). And one way to maintain control... is to HAVE our way. So, as an institution, we (wives) often have much ground to make in that regard in order to be BALANCED (where we don't entirely lose ourselves... while trying to hold up our husbands, kids, others in the congregation, etc.).

It would help if husbands were a little more... mmmmmmm... "aware"... but most men don't think like most of us women do. Not that that's a bad thing; it truly isn't, IMHO. For ME... it's just DIFFERENT. Same with husbands, though - needing to realize that perhaps the way his wife THINKS... is DIFFERENT... and so try a bit harder to UNDERSTAND (although not necessarily thinking like she might).

It would be even MORE helpful... if OTHER women stop judging women! OMG... we CAN be one another's WORSE enemies! Trust me, most JW men's/elder's opinions of "sisters" is based on what their wives, mothers, sisters, or other "sister" think! And these have NO problem telling the men what they think... even if they're utterly WRONG/have NO clue!

I share all of this to perhaps help YOU see some of what you dear wife MIGHT be dealing with... that you might not even aware of. I digress.



Dear, dear LQ... hear me... please... PLEASE... when I say that MOST JW women are angry! Because most... are UNHAPPY! I am NOT lying to you! And those that "appear" NOT to be (angry/unhappy)... are usually on some kind of antidepressant. Ask ANY former JW woman! If she's TRUTHFUL... she will not only tell you that SHE was unhappy, but now that she looks back on it, MOST of the JW women she KNEW were/are unhappy! And I can say that this covers JW women from the Bible Study level (because their being unhappy about something... usually their marriage/life/finances/parents) is usually the very thing that allows the WTBTS to reel them in! ... ALL THE WAY UP TO those at Gilead/Bethel!

For the most part, the ONLY TRULY "happy" JW women... are those newly married. Because (1) they caught that brother (or made him one), and (2) they can now have sex (and a lot of it) without being considered a slut. That "happiness", however, starts to wane after the 2nd or 3rd child. Because between keeping house, raising kids, making meetings, going out in field service, attending assemblies/conventions/CO visits, (auxillary) pioneering, looking like June Cleaver from sun-up to sun-down (and Heidi Klum in the bedroom)... and for some, working outside the home... ALL while putting on a facade of being "happy" for the "friends"... and trying to "please Jehovah"... well, luv, they don't have TIME... or ENERGY... to be happy!

Add to that that we are now coming upon the end of... 2013 (and most of them weren't even supposed to make it out of grade school themselves... let ALONE have grandchildren!!!)... and... well... talk about one EXHAUSTED group of women!!

Dear one... your wife is probably TIRED. And tired MOST of all... of "waiting on Jehovah." Not waiting on the MOST HOLY One of Israel... but on the "god" created by the WTBTS... which god "keeps delaying"... based on THEIR explanations of the "times and seasons"!! And tired women... are unhappy women. And unhappy women... are angry women. Sorry, but that is the hard truth, luv.



BOTH of which you CAN change... although, I would offer that you only NEED to change one: the religion. You don't need to CHANGE the other, although perhaps you might need to change how you COMPORT yourself within it. Do you remember the admonition to wives, that perhaps they can win a husband over "WITHOUT a word"... but by their own chaste conduct? Could that not apply to a husband as well? That if he was LOVING... ALL the time... REGARDLESS of his wife's mood... or beliefs... that perhaps she could see Christ THROUGH him... and have HER head turned?



Yeah, very convenient, those... although true in many cases. Funny, not many about those *sshole husbands, though... many though THEY can be, as well! LOLOLOL!



Sure you do. You know EXACTLY what to do... about BOTH. Leave one, try and fix the other, if that's at all possible. Problem is... you don't have the courage to do the first... or the WILL to do either. You can ASK, however, for both! Yes?



Dear one, I want you to consider something... and THAT is that perhaps you are not being TRUTHFUL... with YOURSELF about this. Because I would venture that it is YOURSELF that wish to avoid bringing pain. Not that I judge you - we ALL shy away from pain. It is our "nature", fleshly that we are. But I know you've read... and now often HEAR:

"He that has greater love for father or mother than for ME... is not WORTHY of me."

"He that is ashamed of ME before men... I will be ashamed of HIM before my Father."



And so you did. But now I want to ask YOU... and let YOU perhaps consider:

It is 64 CE. You and your loved ones live in Jerusalem, which has now been occupied by Roman armies. You see your neighbors being mistreated, even abused. Some years ago, a man whom you TRUSTED told you to keep on the watch for these events, that when you saw them, it would be too dangerous to stay in the city... and that only those who got out of it were spared. You eventually come to KNOW, because you see evidence of it, that the Romans ARE going to completely take over the city... and you remember the man you trusted telling you that they would kill all who resisted, some even for being citizens of the city... which you now know isn't far-fetched because you know the Romans consider the city THEIRS now (they are even in the temple!)... and have mandated that ALL must conform to their way of life. You realize that what the man you trusted told you seems to be occurring, as he told you it would.

While pondering this, you hear that others, wanting to preserve their way (which they believe is right) AND their lives... have safely left the city, though, and relocated elsewhere. In the mountains, perhaps. Some tell you they left with their families; some say they had families who refused to leave at first, but later followed them. Some, you learn, have families who refused to leave. But ALL who left are now living in relative peace. They admit that they miss those they had to leave behind... and fear for their lives... especially since they hear things are starting to get worse. They are VERY glad, however, that THEY were able to make it out... they and those loved ones who DID go with them... because THEIR escape will not only save THEIR lives... but perhaps might be the thing that brings the OTHERS to consider leaving, too!

You know you can't go back; it would not only jeopardize YOUR life, but perhaps put those still in in jeopardy (for being associated with you). For those who refuse to leave... while your heart breaks for them... you know STAYING with them isn't going to SAVE them... and perhaps you will die TOO, if you do... and then would NEVER been able to possibly help save them.

You KNOW, though, that in order for YOU to stay alive, you to either conform to the Romans way of life... or leave. Of course, you WANT your wife, children, mother/father, siblings, their children... ALL... to leave WITH you! But... they can't see the danger that you do. Every day, though, you see more "signs" that indicate to YOU that danger is getting closer and closer... indeed, imminent... for YOU. You KNOW that if you leave them, your loved ones WILL feel that you abandoned them... "for no reason." But YOU know better. You also know that your leaving the city will "hurt" them, hurt their "feelings." You also KNOW... that if you STAY... you WILL be killed. Indeed, you know that WHOEVER stays... WILL be killed.

But, although you have TRIED to warn them... because you LOVE them... they don't want to leave with you. For them, although they might "sense" that "something" IS "wrong," that just can't see what you do, the imminent danger. Sure, the Romans are taking over... but who can fight against the Romans and WIN? No, better to "join" them... than try to "beat" them. Or to try and "beat" them... than run from them. Because... run... where?? Here, in the city, they are comfortable. They know their "place." Their friends are here, their livelihoods, loved ones... homes... possessions... way of life! Why in the WORLD would they leave all of that... and run off "god knows where"? No, YOU'RE the one making the wrong decision... running off into the "wilderness"... where drought and hunger and wild animals abound!

What... do... YOU... do?

Again, I am not intending to offend you, not at ALL... but to state TRUTH to you... and perhaps helps you "see" some things you haven't up to this point. I hope you can receive that, as to my intent... and I hope that if you CAN what I HAVE shared will help.

Again, MUCH peace... AND strength... to you... and to your dear household!

YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,

Shellamar

Loz, I don't think I could pull off a fade without battle scars for various reasons. I've mulled that option over and over so many times. I'm getting to the point of realizing that at some point, I'm going to have to act for me, not for everyone else. It's a really difficult thing to do, and no amount of careful planning will take the pain away.

I'll tell you something about my marriage... our last anniversary happened to fall on a meeting night. Any time this happened in the past, we'd simply skip meeting and go have a nice dinner out. Not this last time. Oh, no. SHE decided she wouldn't do that. SHE decided unilaterally that we would not skip meeting. SHE decided. And SHE told me how it was going to be. She even had the nerve to tell me that we've never skipped meeting for our anniversary before, which, of course, it a complete lie. So instead of celebrating our anniversary on the day of, we "celebrated" three days later when it was convenient for HER. Ridiculous!!! Sorry, I'm ranting again... it's just one of the more recent issues that I'm absolutely appalled and incensed at. We've been married over 20 years. I don't think we'll make it to the next anniversary.

I know my prayers are being hindered because I'm so angry with my wife. I can't help it, though.

Shelby, just read your response. It was as I expected it would be with a few exceptions, which is not to say I don't agree with it all. I do. You've always spoken truth to me with what limited knowledge you have of the situation, and that's a-okay with me.

I know my wife is tired. She's expressed it many times to me. Tired of cooking. Tired of cleaning. Etc. And I've stepped up to help more, but she hates that I do that. I don't do it HER way. The fact is, this is normal with women, and I get that. But, there are some dynamics that are different from the average woman. Even my father expressed to me recently on a visit that he was on pins and needles around her. It's beyond the normal range of anger and "things have to be my way or else" ways of most women. Over the years, the level of compromise on her part has been minimal, at best, and always over small issues. On the big issues, no, not a chance. She's made herself lord of the castle, so to speak. She does not and never has respected headship. She's admitted as much, but has never made an effort to change. I am not a domineering person. If anything, I'm a big pushover because I absolutely hate confrontation, and I hate making people feel bad. I can't get into all the things here in an open forum, and I really don't want to put her down further. That's not my goal. I'm not even asking for anyone to agree with me. I just needed to vent because there is no one I CAN talk to.

About those spiritual conversations, you gave me that advice before, and I actually applied it. We haven't had any sort of spiritual conversation beyond "that was a nice part so-and-so gave" in a long time. You're right... she fears losing her religion. However, in the past couple of years, she seems to have tightened her grip on her religion to almost an extreme degree. Reads every WT, but barely reads the Bible. I stopped having any spiritual conversations with her, and I have changed my approach to her so I can be the better husband. I realized that I wasn't helping matters. But instead of things getting better, they actually got worse. Not fighting... I refuse to engage there. No, it's a coldness in the home. She does not love me and has stated as much, and frankly, nor I her (I'm speaking about romantic love... we haven't had romantic love in many years... love for her as a person, of course, but not romantically.) A year or so ago, we talked about ending the marriage, and she told me I'd have to be the one to initiate it since she wouldn't break God's law. She refuses to understand that the sin is in remarrying under improper circumstances, not in just ending the marriage and remaining unmarried.


No, I'm not sure of this. But I sure do imagine it. I've seen the way people react to other similar situations. The reality is that it's upsetting for a time, a few weeks, then things go back to normal. It's just those few weeks I don't want to go through. I have asked myself: how hard will this REALLY be? What is the WORSE that can happen? And can you handle the WORSE? Frankly, I don't know how bad it will really get. I'm sure it will be very painful at first, then things will calm down and life will move forward. It's that period of uncertainty that scares me a lot.


I do. All the time. Literally, all the time. Like I said, there's no fighting, so when something comes up that is an issue to me, I just shut my mouth and keep quiet. The side effect is that I'm boiling inside.


You're right. I lack courage for both. I have the WILL, but the courage is not there. I have asked, but have not received an answer. I feel like I'm wrong in my situation. How can I expect any answer when what I really want is OUT of the marriage? I feel like I am wrong to feel this way about my wife. I cannot help it, though. I've tried so hard to change how I feel, and when I think things are getting better, something happens that dashes all my hopes to pieces.


These two sayings have been echoing in my mind for a very long time now. I am unworthy and I know it.

Ok, I've blathered on long enough. Thanks for listening / commenting. Always appreciated.

Dear, dear LQ... peace to you... and I hear you. Please, hear me when I say:

1. You're not blathering... not at all...

2. This IS a good place, I think, for you to share these things, because you're not going to find people who tell you that the solution is to leave your religion, your wife, AND your faith. But you don't have to do ANY of these (although I would certainly encourage you to do the first, truth be told)... and you certainly don't have to do all three...

3. One is only bound to stay in a marriage when the spouse is AGREEABLE to dwelling with one. One who does not love you... and says as much... and so is perhaps trying to force YOU to make the "move" THEY don't have the courage to make... wouldn't, IMHO, be considered "agreeable." That one LEAVES, however, isn't necessarily "license" to remarry (which is another topic altogether)... but one does not have to stay in an abusive (physically OR otherwise) or "cold" relationship...

4. In response to your comment that:



I would offer that you might stop and consider exactly what it is you are asking FOR, dear one. Because the answer will be to your QUESTION. And... blasphemy is the only UNforgiveable sin, dear one. Perhaps, then, what you might ASK for... is to be forgiven (for what you have done/are doing/want to do/will do). If you do ask, however, consider the BASIS on WHICH such forgiveness can be granted: WHOM... and what makes one a "whom." Mercy/grace, is the REASON, yes. But blood... is the BASIS ("Unless blood is poured out, no forgiveness of sins takes place").

If you need, I will clarify that. Later, though, as I have a lunch date with hubby I need to leave for just now.

I hope this helps, dear one, truly.

Again, peace to you... truly.

Your servant and a slave of Christ,

Shellamar

Hello, LQ,

I read your post with a great deal of sympathy. Everyone else has spoken very wisely in their different ways. I just have a thought or so to add.

In fact,I started to write this, then checked back on what you'd said and found your recent post.

It's a real mess, isn't it? You're both angry, and the atmosphere in the house is cold.

I think you know what has to be done, but because your temperament is such that you hate confrontations, you're trying to avoid a row. And you're also worried about the effect on your parents.

Situations that arise because people are not being honest with each other are very messy, and the longer they go on the worse they get. All that pent-up anger has nowhere to go and no outlet until it all explodes. Better to let it out before it gets destructive, by which I mean anything like sickness or violent rows. No good can come from constantly suppressing the truth.

My advice, for you to take or leave but anyway to think about, is to sit down and tell your wife how you feel and why, but give her the chance to speak honestly from the heart to you. Then you can both decide what to do, and it may be that her anger is because she like you is trapped in an increasingly intolerable situation. Only the two of you know the truth of it.

But speaking honestly from the heart is the first step.

Just one thing, is your wife menopausal? Is she that age? Many women do find that time of life very difficult, and they don't even know what's going on with them themselves. Just something for you to think about.

I don't have much time today, so please forgive me for just focusing on one quick detail, since the rest has been addressed. I'm not sure which of the two situations is bothering you more, although the marriage probably seems more immediate.

But it seems to me that your wife is giving you an easy way out of the religion at least. You're not happy (she's not happy) as things are right now in your marriage. So you have nothing to lose with her, in leaving what you know to be false (the wts). You may even have something to gain with her... but at the least you stand to gain your freedom from the lie that you are currently living in the wts.

I understand that it is other family members that you are worried about hurting. They are going to hurt because of the lie that they have been told and their fear for you will be based on that lie. If they WERE free, they would want you to be free also. I am truly sorry about that, and about the despicable practice that the wts teaches its members to do, to cut their own loved ones off.

I'm out of time, but I will try to come back later. I just wanted you to know that I read and hear you, and am thinking of you.

Listen to Christ. Follow Him. You can't think of everything, yourself, and you can't control what others do. You can do what you know to be right though... as soon as you know what that is.

Peace and love to you, and ears to hear, as Christ gives these things,

tammy

I have wondered if she's trying to "sour the milk", so to speak. But it's such an oddball thing because one day she'll be angry with me and mean, and the next, sweet as pie, as if nothing ever happened. It's almost psychotic. It's definitely a roller-coaster as I don't know what to expect from day to day. As for leaving not giving license to remarry, this I well understand.


This has been done in an abundance so many times over the past few years. The message comes across loud and clear. She does not want to be married, but will not be the one to end it. She's even stated it in public that if I don't like this or that, I can just leave. And when I say in public, I mean in front of other family members. Yes, I've asked her if she would be willing to go to counseling, and she refused.


Our problems have existed for years. She is at that age where it's starting, yes, but these issues existed long before. It's simply becoming more unbearable as time goes on. I suspect I've simply gotten to the point where I just don't want to live like this anymore.

The funny thing is, our marriage problems is what led me to questioning things in the first place. Because of the WTBS' policies around separation, the three reasons they give that have no scriptural backing whatsoever (willful non-support, extreme physicial abuse, absolute spiritual endangerment), I started wondering what else they were messing around with that had no scriptural backing. I tugged at that thread, and well, here I am now.

No, not quite. No easy way out. She thinks I'm still "in", even though I told her I disagree wholeheartedly with the latest "new light" and can prove scripturally why it's incorrect. Her attitude is, "do you think you're smarter than the Governing Body?" The only course of action is to let it drop. She knows I have issues, true, but she does not know the depth of those issues because she does not let me explain much of anything. I suspect if I told her I no longer wanted to go to meetings she would label me an apostate, out me to the elders, and that would be that on both fronts (the marriage and WTS). Yes, that's a desirable outcome, but not the desirable way to get there.

I actually think the more immediate action would be to end the marriage. I have been considering it for a long time. And if that happens, leaving WTS will be a simple thing. Just move out of the immediate area and do a super-quick fade.

I know I'm not alone with this problem. Other JWs are out there in my position, facing similar issues. Some have been fortunate enough where they didn't have the marital issues. Others, unfortunately, have lost their families over this. I may have to face that possibility, I think.

I've just read the follow on posts LQ, and I don't have any advice to add really. I just wanted to assure you of something...we worry about pain we will suffer in this or that future scenario, whether that be a trip to the dentist or an emotional stance...but actually once we take steps in the right direction things are never as bad as we expected. More than that there is a relief that comes with being true to ourselves. A relief beyond compare.

The hardest thing after the near 30 years of unhappiness was the actual process of ending my marriage. Dealing with that whole 'giving up on it' time was awful, really awful. Jah helped me through, every hour of every day. I look back now with such frustration that I dreaded it and postponed it for so long. Because, hard as it was, it was the right thing to do, (for me), and I was able to find the 'me' that had been lost in that misery for so very long.

I agree that you must absolutely pray to Jah and talk to Christ and find the way that is right for you.

Ask yourself, if a dear friend asked you for this same advice, how would you (knowing the inside story) advise him? Then, follow that advice. You can be your own dear friend LQ.

Wishing you peace,

Loz x

_________________
"This is my son. LISTEN to Him!"

I was JUST about to suggest you consider dear Char's wonderful suggestions, dear LQ (peace to you, both!)... and be QUITE honest (although kind and loving) with your dear wife... AND the WTBTS elders... actually sit them down (well, her - 'cause once you sit down and share with her, in which case you most probably won't NEED to sit down with them... although, I'm sure they'll want you to)... and tell them what you NOW know... what unraveling that "thread" has revealed to you! Because in doing so, they will most probably make the decision FOR you, she AND them.

But I reread it more carefully... and this jumped out at me:



Which is... well, interesting. Because it suggests that you want your cake... and to be able to eat it, too! And so, yes, that does make the situation a bit more... mmmmm... "sticky," yes.

May I ask you: what of that "torture pole" Christ said those who want to follow HIM must pick up WHILE following after him? Because, given that comment, I am now of the mind that perhaps Christ not your primary concern here. Now, I don't judge you if that's the case but I will say that perhaps THAT is why you can't hear a response to your "question," and why things have be SO bad for SO long: if following Christ is NOT your first and foremost concern... why would he even intervene? Wouldn't that mean that you're still concerned with the OLD Law (if you ARE concerned, and I think you are concerned)... rather than with the NEW Law? In which light, shouldn't it be MOSES that you ask? But... HE can't respond, dear one... and so perhaps that's why you hear "nothing" - your request is as to a "Law" that Christ did not mediate... and so IT's mediator must respond... but can't.

Dear, dear LQ... here's the thing: you can't call upon Christ, ask HIM for answers/guidance/direction, etc., in a matter such as this... and not be WHOLE-SOULED as to him... can you? Doesn't that put you the category of the "indecisive" man... one who doesn't really know WHAT he wants... or who he serves?

It seems that what you WANT, what you're thinking you can DO... is get out of ALL of this... with the least amount of "pain." I am not sure, however, that you can... AND be carrying the "torture pole" of Christ. I don't think it works that way, luv. Now, perhaps that's NOT what you truly want to do... but that is kinda the message you're sending out now ("I don't want to HURT anyone, particularly ME... and by "hurt", I mean, I don't want to be ostracized from family... who would CERTAINLY shun me if I were DF'd... and that WOULD hurt!").

Here's the THING, though, dear one: you CANNOT... listen to me... CANNOT... fool... holy spirit. OR the Holy Spirit (Christ). You CANNOT. SO... perhaps the reason you haven't heard/cannot hear... is because YOU are not being honest in this whole thing. Honest... about WHY you want "out" (so that you can be free of an irritating wife... versus free... so as to be able serve HIM... in freedom). If the latter is not TRULY your PURPOSE... then why on EARTH would he lead you to transgress the Law... and divorce your wife... without proper grounds (adultery or fornication)???

Dear one, HE CAN'T DO THAT. He can't HELP you commit a sin - he can only FORGIVE you, if you DO commit sin... IF you request such forgiveness... on the basis of his BLOOD. If your motive is simply to get out of your marriage... because it's a "burden" to you... then you must remember that, most probably, your VOWS included such burden ("for better OR for worse")... and he can't arbitrarily HELP you break your vows!

Dear, dear... dear LQ: you cannot PARTAKE of God's undeserved kindness (His mercy/grace and forgiveness, through Christ and his blood)... and MISS IT'S PURPOSE. That PURPOSE... is to CLEANSE you... you who have faith IN His Son AND the cleansing POWER of that one's BLOOD ... OF your sins... so that you are able to STAND... before the throne of God! NOT so that you can merely put off a wife that has become an irritation, even a BIG one! It doesn't WORK like that!

Unfortunately, SO many JWs miss this TRUTH... which is why so many are supposedly "serving" as elders/ministerial servants... and yet, are "husbands of [MORE than] one wife!" Without a commission of adultery/fornication... or death... a man is STILL married to a woman he divorces! For his entire life! So that, when he REMARRIES, he is now the husband of TWO wives. Or three... or four... depending on how many women he "marries." Which is yet another discussion, outside the scope of this one, for now.

This is adultery... which can be FORGIVEN, yes, because it is not BLASPHEMY. But if one doesn't know or understand the BASIS of that forgiveness... their adultery... and that it is NOT "just because" but due to the BLOOD of Christ... one is fooling oneself. And perhaps fooling others. Because one does not know what to ask forgiveness FOR. And it is the forgiveness that is ASKED for... that is GRANTED.

Dear one... there CAN be a better "end" to all of this, truly... if you are truly concerned about the "law" of God and Christ, here. But I don't think it can come about in the way you're thinking. At least, not in the long run. You CAN be forgiven, yes... but ONLY through Christ. There is no other "Way", luv. Truly.

Please... think about WHY you wish to do this: to be free. Is it for yourself, to be free of a burden? Or is to to be free... so as to follow Christ and HIS truth? Because they are very different paths, my friend. If not for your flesh, certainly for your spirit. Please... think about this.

Again, I hope this helps and, again, peace to you!

Your servant and a slave of Christ,

Shellamar

Dear LQ...

I hear you with your family situation and I am truly sorry for this.

There are excellent thoughts here already.

Knowing the WTBS is not the truth and that all your family is being misled, where would they stand or what hope would they truly HAVE or GAIN by your staying in?

If CHRIST returned tomorrow, or if their so- called Armaggedon came tomorrow, knowing their worship is false, where would they stand? How would they measure up not having TRUTH or CHRIST or by not being in the covenant that gives them life and forgives their sins?...

Wouldn't they be like what Christs said in Mathew 25 as to the sheep and goats?
They are convinced that all the things they do and practice in Jehovah's name make them the truth ( all the powerful works) and yet CHRIST tells them " To get away, I never knew you, workers of lawlessness".

Yet, you know this to be so because you know what they do and teach is not truth. It is lies!
Where can the love of CHRIST truly be in this?

BUT, if you take this leap of faith to " demonstrate greater love for CHRIST than for family" what are we promised as to our families/ households if we do?

By the faith of just " ONE" whole households can be saved. But if we remain inside, continuing to "touch that which is unclean" and not " Getting out of her " ( Babylon the great) what are we giving him to bless in order to save our households lives? ( Joseph's, Rahabs, Cornelius's)


A lot has been shared and I do know what it feels like to leave all family inside and still " Flee" like the illustration that Shelby shared as to Jeruselum in 64c.e.
But I had my husband and 3 sons with me when I did go.

We are here to help you LQ.

Love and peace to you . May Jah and Christ comfort you and give you added strength with what you are facing right now.
Love Justmom

This:



If we take steps, though, merely for the "comfort" of our OWN flesh... we are kinda ON our own, dear LQ (again, peace to you!). Christ has not OBLIGATION to assist us. Which may not be a problem for you (it's not for many)... but I would be remiss if I didn't share that truth with you.

Peace!

Your servant and a slave of Christ,

Shellamar, who thanks dear 'Mom (peace, luv) for sharing that...

Shelby, ouch! I think you said, quite directly, exactly what I needed to hear. Not what I wanted to hear, mind you, but I have come to expect truth from you, not patronization. And don't worry, I'm not offended in the slightest. I'm not even sure what to say in response. You could very well be right and I just haven't been honest with myself. Even so, I still have this "situation" do deal with, and it's in my face every single day. It's hard to see anything else.