Peace to you Leaving, my brother.
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This has been a topic of my prayers recently. I continue to ask for ears to hear, to discern that it's not my own thoughts. I feel like my prayers to God and my speaking to Christ are one-way conversations. I am frustrated by this (not justifiably, I know.) I'm almost certain it's my fault in some way. I've bared my soul to them. Nothing is left uncovered.
First... I think what the others have said is true... as Christ also said it (so I am not sure what you can doubt about it). "
Stop touching the unclean thing... (the wts)... and I will take you in." Not that this is a punishment... but as long as you are in her, at least a part of you is listening to 'her' over Christ. Even if just by refusing to leave 'her'. She does not want you to leave (at least not without great personal loss - your friends, your family, your faith, your life).
But you KNOW that the wts is not the truth. You know the harm that the wts does to people. Yet you remain in her, and it seems you remain out of fear of what you may lose. I don't say that with ANY anger or judgment toward you AT ALL. Please hear that, my brother.
(and I am sure that you also do not want to hurt anyone that you love who are also in there, but sometimes... it is a 'tough love' that we are called to give, in the sense that we might make it easier for our loved ones if we go along with them and the lies they believe (and so all of us fall into a pit)... but if we go with Christ, this might not be 'easy' for them, but it - no, HE - leads us to LIFE, for ourselves and our loved ones.)
Second, while I was still listening to the wts teachings... I too got very frustrated. This is before I met all of you, and before I knew that Christ lived and spoke. I just wanted to know what was true and what I should do... I just wanted God to TELL ME, and I would BELIEVE and DO IT. I wanted to be SURE. But I was listening to other groups... rather than listening to CHRIST alone (even if just what He is written to have said). So the unclean waters ( the lies ) were interfering and clouding my judgment, and stopping me from seeing... or even going to and drinking... the CLEAN waters. (from Christ)
For example, I could not decide which was true: the trinity or Jesus is Michael. Of course... NEITHER was true, both were lies, but I was buying into them... or at least into that one had to be the truth. So I was blinded. I could not even consider something else. UNTIL... I simply went with what Christ said (and the other apostles), and if God wanted me to believe something other than that, then I would wait for Him to teach me. (which He did... through Christ).
But again, this was still before I understood that Christ lives and speaks. After I learned that... after listening to Shelby bear witness to this, and seeing where it is written and that others heard the Spirit right from the start, and so seeing that this is TRUE... well, then I also wanted to hear Christ. So I also started to ask, and to ask, and to seek and to knock. But when I asked, I KNEW, I had put
full faith in Christ... that I would be GIVEN ears to hear as I had asked. But not in my time frame... in HIS, even if that took the rest of my life. I would just continue to obey Him in all that He has taught (even if just from what is written, and from love) until that time.
I did get frustrated sometimes... which I should not have done at all... not in Christ of course; but in wondering what I must be doing wrong. Which seems to be a bit where you are at, except that you are still in the wts. (no judgment again, my brother... I can't even relate, because you were born in, and my mother never forced even her own beliefs upon me, much less others.)
I want to also let you know something from my experience, that I am sure many have shared the same. Because once I did hear Him (or rather recognize Him)... I remembered and He reminded me of many other times that He had spoken to me, taught me, guided me. He still does remind me of past times, in fact. But the truth was that He had been speaking to me all along... I just did not know it was Him. (and Leaving, it is so awesome and humbling, remembering all the times He has spoken to us, that we did not know it was Him. So I look forward to that for you too)
Couple questions for you to ponder, and even take to Christ:
Do you think that you have seen the lies in the wts all on your own? If so, why do you see them now, but never saw them before? What changed?
Just after I decided, yes, I will get baptized (after a two year bible study)... I had a week or two between announcing to my study conductor that I would get baptized, and my next study session. And I suddenly 'had the thought' that I should re-read the wts red revelation book. So I did. During this re-read (and I had read the book MANY times before), I came across the part that said that everyone who dies at Armageddon (the jw false version of Armageddon) will not get a resurrection.
I froze. My heart dropped into my stomach. Because for two years, I had thought that everyone gets a resurrection and a second chance - everyone - including those who died at Armageddon. Now I learned that everyone who died at Armageddon gets no resurrection! And anyone who is not a jw (with few exceptions) dies at Armageddon. Well, that meant my WHOLE family would die at armageddon and get NO resurrection... because there was NO way anyone in my family was going to join. But not only that, billions of people would die at armageddon and get no resurrection, because billions of people are not jws.
I simply could not be part of that. Much angst and guilt followed... and all because I did not know the truth then, but have only just recently learned. Because Leaving... it was NOT a sudden thought that popped into my head. It was CHRIST who told me to re-read what was in that book, and Christ who OPENED my eyes so that I saw what I had not seen, for two years previously.
It was NOT me who suddenly saw what I had failed to see before. And it was NOT me who decided on my own to re-read the very thing that would stop me from joining, directly after I had decided TO join.
That was the Spirit. That was Christ telling me to re-read and see what I needed to re-read and see, to NOT join.
I don't doubt that He is the one opening your eyes AND calling you out, Leaving. But now that you have heard, and now that you do know that the wts is a lie and that Christ is the Truth... you are still resisting. That might be why you are not progressing in hearing Him. (and I tried to soften that last sentence, and so deleted the words and tried to change them, but could not write anything else. Then I drew a blank until I asked my Lord to remind me of the words I had been given to write at first)
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Christ not only sends his sheep out, dear one... but he CALLS them... BY NAME... leads THEM out
Yes, by name. Which is why I don't think I've been called. If I have, I didn't hear. I think this is the one thing holding me back from taking that last tiny step out of JWs.
Do you know the wts is a lie?
Do you know that Christ is the Truth?
Do you love Christ?
If so, why would you not follow Him, regardless of whether He was calling your name or not?
Why would you not run after Him, calling HIS name?
(I don't remember hearing my name called either - though I was not coming out of a particular 'daughter' - but I know He sent me to places and to people to witness to Him, the Truth.)
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And it is a tiny step. It would be one simple sentence: "I no longer want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses." So, why don't I say it? I feel like I physically CANNOT say it. I don't know why. Like I'm being blocked in some way. I can whisper it, but I can't seem to say it out lout. It's a strange thing.
I need more faith.
If you are SURE that you want to no longer be one of Jehovahs witnesses, Leaving... then perhaps it is fear that allows you only to whisper these words, and fear that stops you from speaking them OUT LOUD. Either way, if you want the truth to this question, then ask Christ to give you that truth. Understand that truth is not always easy to hear, but when we see where we might be lacking, we can then see (and hear) what we need to DO.
May you be granted ears to hear the Spirit and the bride say to YOU, "COME... and take the free gift of the water of Life."
Peace and much love to you my brother,
your sister and servant, and fellow slave of Christ,
tammy