|
AGUEST SAID
Greetings, dear Kassad... and peace to you!
I hadn't responded to your post because I honestly did not know the answer. Until tonight. I am not sure how you relate them to Hebrews 10:26-31... but here is what occurred and how I know what I do now:
I had a rather "testy" afternoon on another site. There is one (well, several, but a particular one) who believes it his vocation to "torment" me and others of the Body. I can usually look past him (I find him quite childish), but today, in aiming at me, he took aim at my daughter. Now, if you knew my daughter you would know that she is one of THE most tolerant, accepting, kind, and sweet persons on the planet. She is a singer/songwriter who often does charity performances to help in her community. She never says no, regardless of what the event is for and so has helped raise LOTS of money for everything from a church needing to rebuild after a fire, to blood drives, to Habitat for Humanity, to homelessness and more.
She and her brother (my son) have worked together on SO many community events (even for shelter animals!) that they are both well-known among both the young people in their community... and city leaders. My son was named one of his town's "30 Under 30" recipients and has received two awards from the California State Senate for his work mentoring youth.
I don't say all of this to brag but to say my children don't deserve to be bad-mouthed because of someone's issues with me. I took it for granted that this yahoo would have the decency to keep one's family off limits. Of course, he isn't decent... so I should have known better.
I digress.
Anyway, I was SO angry that I thought... in my heart... "Ohh! I wish his life was more ruined that it already is!!" Yeah, sad to say, I went there. Of course, I immediately felt regret, but not before my Lord asked me:
"Is that TRULY what you want, child?" and reminded me of what having his spirit can mean... the authority it can wield. (John 20:22, 23)
I immediately responded, "No! No! I didn't mean that, I only meant... well, I just want him to leave me BE!"
And the rest of the conversation went like this:
"He can't stop tormenting you, child. The one to whom he belongs right now... because of the spirit that leads HIM... won't let him. He has given himself over... and that's how he will be used... to torment my Body. So long as he allows it."
I knew he was right... and I felt horrible for this person, because I know he doesn't WANT to be like he is... but is (currently) powerless to stop it. He won't ever be able to... until he stops allowing access. And he can't do that, yet. Anyway the conversation continued. My Lord asked me:
"So what DO you want regarding this one?"
I know better to try and fool my Lord (he knows what it's in me), and so try to ALWAYS be honest. So I said:
"I don't want to care anymore. I want to be done."
He said, "So you want to hand him over to the Adversary?"
And I thought, "What? No, I don't want to do THAT... well, not really."
He asked me, "But isn't that what you will be doing... if you give up and no longer care?"
I thought some more and said, "Is it? I mean, I don't want to give him to the Adversary; I just don't want to care about him anymore."
And he said, "Child, if YOU give up... that's exactly what will happen. He doesn't care about me right now because he's too caught up in his anger and hurt. He's not mad at you; he's mad at me and the Father. He blames us for his lot in life... like HIS father before him. He is only being handling his life as he has been taught to handle it. He can't bring himself to place blame where he should... or worse... to forgive. If you give up... from whom else will he learn... until he learns to come to me? He won't come to me yet - he can't hear me through his anger and self hatred. Perhaps if you hang on, though... But, of course, it's YOUR choice. Just tell me what you choose."
And I knew he was right. That if I gave up on this one... even only IN MY HEART... I would not only be turning my back on him... but turning him over to the Advesary. And guess what? I can do that, if I want to! Indeed, it's okay - I have that authority.
BUT... I can't do it. Paul may have been able to... but I can't. Because it isn't what I would want done to me. This person gets really ugly in his tormenting sometimes. But I can't just walk away. Not yet.
And, yes, I thought about it, because I thought, "What is this? Am I perhaps some kind of "glutton for punishment"? But nope, that's not it. What IS it is that just as I hear my Lord's voice... by means of the gift he gave me... the one that allows me to hear spirits... I can hear this person's "voice", too. Underneath all of the malice and other malintended statements... I can hear the "real" him. I wish I DIDN'T, yes... because it would be SO much easier - I COULD just turn him over. But I do hear him... calling for help. And so I can't do it. Not yet, anyway.
And so, I wanted to share that with you, to help you "see" what Paul meant. I am sure that Paul faced a similar situation and, having come to the point where NO amount of praying or patience on his part could undue the persons in question's pursuit... he realized that if he did NOT give the person up... he would most probably follow them.
I fear that, too... but I know I am nowhere near that point.
I hope this helps.
Again. peace to you!
YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,
|