xjwsforChrist

Well, here I am.

I have been an elder, a pioneer, a Group Overseer, Ministry School Overseer Watchtower conductor, given talks and demos at assemblies and conventions, been in a few dramas, pretty much all the things you would expect from someone raised in the truth from a young age. Ticked all the boxes of doing what I oughta, was a good boy, the golden child. All this for close on 25 years.

Now things are different. Through the years I have always had questions. Like why can't I grow a beard? How come most things in Revelation are viewed as symbolic, yet the number of 144,000 is taken as literal? Why is there a thousand rules when Jesus advised to the contrary? How many different definitions of 'generation' can there be? These and more made regular appearances in my brain and were swiftly shutdown. Silly boy, trust the organisation, it is God's visible arm on earth!

So I worked faithfully, my wife and I. However, the longer I worked in the congregations where we lived, the more the veneer of truth began to peel. It became more and more obvious to me that there was no way Holy Spirit appointed either me or my fellow elders into their positions. There were some statements made in some study articles that I just couldn't reconcile with the scriptures. Serving as an elder became more and more difficult.

The more aware I became of what the WT said not aligning with the scriptures, the more my conscience played on me. How could I stand up there and teach others things that didn't make sense to me? Due to my experiences as an elder, I was seeing the organisation from the inside. TThe side that Joe Schmoe publishers don't see. The heated battles pre CO visit about who should be put up for appointment. Counselling young dudes on facial hair and not being able to give a scriptural answer to the question 'why?' Doing shepherding calls on people who smile and nod and then carry on doing what they were doing before. I couldn't keep doing this and stay sane and true to my inner voice.

Opportunity arose with some issues in my family. We are spread all over the globe and some of them have serious issues. They are nice to everyone who praises them and kisses up to them, but poison to those who call them on their bullcrap. There was a lot going on at that time, and my wife and I decided we needed time for us. I wrote a letter to my fellow elders and stepped down. What a relief. The weight had gone. More time. No more stupid elders meetings running late into the night over nothing. Bliss.

Not long after stepping down, I was assigned a Number 3 talk on the increase in earthquakes. For some reason, I thought I would not do the research solely in WTS publications. So I hit up Google and to my surprise the USGS website sad that there has not been an increase in earthquakes. Hmm. Interesting. I skipped over the obvious apostate sites and found a similar story elsewhere. The USGS has no vested interest in reporting that there has not been an increase in earthquakes so my Spidey senses got a-tingling. My mouse hovered over the link in the Google results to jwfacts.com. Should I?

Sure enough I clicked. I didn't have an Ananias-like experience, so I was able to read the whole article. 'Scuse my French, but shit got real. Suddenly I didn't feel so bad about having those doubts all along. Obviously others had the same or similar thoughts and had done some research. Some serious research. I spent a good part of the evening looking up things that had always bothered me, and along the way found JWN, CARM, Freeminds, JW Struggle, 144,000.110mb, sccmcroberts, and many others, along with a big pile of books on religion, athiesm, and everything in between.

My mind was at ease finally. I was not bad person for asking all those questions in my mind. It turns out that there are many who had wondered the same thing and sought out those of similar mind. Certainly a long way from the crazy apostate types presented in the pages of the Watchtower. There are of course some like that, but for the most part there is a lot of sound discussion backed up by evidence.

I still had one dilemma. My darling wife whom I love to pieces. Having been deep in the matrix myself, I knew that any attempt to wake her up in a hurry could have horrible consequences no matter how deep our love. Very slowly, here and there with careful questions, I got her to start using her brain and not think what she is told to think by the WTS. Did you know that transplants used to be banned? They were equated with cannibalism! Where does it say that there will be a paradise earth? When you read Revelation 7:9 doesn't it sound like the Great Crowd are in heaven? Slowly slowly she began to realise that the answers to these questions and what is taught in the WT publications didn't match. On Friday the 13th (LOL) of April 2012 she finally said to me 'we are in a cult'. While looking up info to 'correct me, she had ended up coming to the same conclusion!

Things began to change. We both researched more and more and are completely mentally out of this cult. We are working on a long slow fade. We are gradually reducing our field service time, are missing meetings, and are looking at moving some time this year. We are in a big congregation, and as long as you smile and nod, put in that unscriptural field service report (with the made up numbers on it) and keep a low profile, you get left alone.

Here I have chosen the name Winston Smith - a name taken from the main character in the book Nineteen Eighty Four. My avatar is John Hurt as Winston Smith from the movie adaptation, with Big Brother watching on - much like the Watchtower Society pervasively getting itself involved in JWs lives. This is my diary, a place for my thoughts. I hope you enjoy reading my posts. Please, always feel free to leave your comments and join in the discussion. I hope we can continue helping and informing people and sharing information here and on other forums - for the benefit of both members and lurkers alike.

Here's to the future!

Winston Smith

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

That was a very interesting read and I appreciate you sharing this portion of your life with us and to be more precise with me. Were any reasons needed to be given to step down as an Elder? Were there attempts to convince you to change your mind from stepping down? How did the rest of the congregation react to news of you stepping down?

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To fear me is to love me....

I think that one of the hardest things to admit to ourselves is "I WAS WRONG".
I am so happy for you and your wife that you were able to see this AND do something about it.
I know of at least 2 people that have seen the issues but don't want to lose the fellowship, so they stay.
I have seen far more that refuse to see the issues.
I admire and respect your strength.

Winston...
I Thank you for sharing your life's experiences inside of this organization.
So many of us here can truly relate to most everything you have experienced. So glad your wife is on the same page.
Many upon realizing the humbling truth as dear PaulS mentioned that we realize we were wrong, go places that cause individuals to doubt their faith, belief in even the existence of Jah and CHRIST. Even wonder NOW, where do we go? Where do we turn?

The beauty that I have come to understand is that there is NO other " where". But it IS a " WHOM " and that is CHRIST. He truly is the WAY, the truth, the life, the door, the resurrection, the true bread and manna from heaven. The ONLY one that Jah has appointed as our mediator and leader.
And we can go to him and hear his voice. He said " His sheep would hear his voice and come out."
We can follow him by means of Holy Spirit. We do not need man. He does not dwell in man made temples. He dwells in people.

So thank you for sharing again. Send our love to you wife as well.
Love Justmom.

Thank you for taking the time to read through Hellpuppy!

I wrote a letter to the body, and in it outlined a couple of reasons. I just said I had some family issues that I needed to work through and that I felt that if I could not give 100% for the people entrusted to my care, that I felt I should step aside. I also said that due to my duties I was spending more time away from Mrs Smith, and that this had to change. I said nothing of the doubts I was having.

The Shepherd book says that an elder that wants to step down has to meet with two elders after making known their wish. I requested in the letter to speak with two specific elders as I knew that they would not ask lots of questions. I elaborated slightly more on my letter during our meeting, but didn't give much away. They didn't really make much of an effort to make me stay on. They suggested lessening my duties, but I said, no this is something I need to do for now. I think they could see that this was not a decision I had taken lightly and was firm in my resolve.

When they announced it to the congregation, there was a collective "aww" the CoBE thanked me for my work, and I even got a clap which was nice. I made sure I answered up a few times through the rest of the meeting, just to show people that stepping down was my choice, and that I was not in any trouble.

In the days after I got some cards from a couple of lovely old sisters thanking me for my work.

It was a fairly painless process, but I took on quite a burst of adrenaline just before I clicked 'send' when I emailed the letter. I kept telling myself "A few days and it will be all over" and yup, it was.

Best decision I ever made.

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

Thanks PSacramento! So true.

I am forever grateful that Mrs Smith and I are doing this together. I couldn't imagine doing it alone, and my heart goes out to those who do. I understand why some would stay for the fellowship. It is a strong draw as there some genuinely lovely people in the congregation. For Mrs Smith and I, I guess we are fortunate in that we haven't been in this congregation for long enough to make longtime friends. We have one sister that we are very close with, but everyone else we would have to honestly call them acquaintances. We have used this to our advantage in our slow exit out.

Thanks again for reading, and for taking the time to comment.

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

@JustMom: Thank you for your kind words!

You touched on a point that I think plays a key role in making JWs stay in the Organisation. They see the WTS almost on the same level as Jesus, and think that if they are not with it, they are not with him.

One thing I have learned from reading the New Testament (without the influence of a nearby WT) is that fellowship is important for encouragement and for helping people 'stay the course' but ultimately we render our own account. We must stand on our own two feet. Its not done by association with a certain group of people, it comes from the inside, inside ourselves.

There's a lot to be said for reading the scriptures without the ol' WT goggles on!

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

A VERY important truth, dear WS (good morning and peace to you and dear Wife!), and probably one of the hardest for many, if not MOST to grasp. Somehow, many "christians" are CONVINCED that their worship MUST be in association with others, and usually a particular group (and one that numbers many!), versus a (very) personal one-on-one relationship with... and THROUGH... Christ. Some, like the WTBTS, use the verse at Hebrews 10:25 to erroneously foment this... well, lie. For one, associating in groups isn't what the writer was speaking about at all. The writer was calling upon the Hebrews to not forsake the gathering of the chosen ones, meaning to continue to share the GOOD news about the Christ, so as to continue "calling out" to those of that Body (Revelation 22:17). Indeed, to this day, the [Holy] Spirit (Christ, the Bridegroom - 2 Corinthians 3:17) and the "Bride" KEEP saying "Come!"

Second, Christ said "where two or three are gathered together in my name," and not 20, 50, or 100 or more! Matthew 18:20 Indeed, had more than that gathered, the entire group could have been at risk.

Even so, we have the accounts of MANY who not only walked somewhat alone, but actually separated themselves from the larger group. This was particularly true when dealing with Israel on MANY occasions, as very often it was the larger group that was apostacizing. And so an individual was left with NO choice BUT to separate themselves, indeed, HAD to... in order to (1) avoid becoming "unclean" themselves, and (2) be taken in AS a son/daughter BY God! 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Our Adversary is a lion of sorts, yes, and IS seeking to devour us. The WTBTS repeatedly takes advantage of this description to foment their false "the Devil is after the young and weak" scenario to convince their members to "stay within the herd." What they don't say, however, is that when the entire herd is stampeding toward a cliff, even older and healthier members get swept over the edge and dashed on the rocks below! Sometimes by the hundreds! What they ALSO don't say is that our dear Lord is ALSO a lion, indeed, the Lion of Judah!... and the Adversary has NO power over HIM. If one sticks with HIM, Christ, then... one can count on HIS protection from the Adversary's attacks, except perhaps as to persecution that might come BECAUSE of professing union with him. In that case, one is allowed to show whom they "belong" to, in response to the ACCUSATIONS made by our Adversary, maybe even with their own life. This is not the USUAL case, though, and if one listens to CHRIST... one may be led OUT of such a situation. (Revelation 12:10; Job 1:9-11; 24, 5).

I am glad, though, that YOU see this truth about the FALSEHOOD regarding the need to associate with larger groups because it is an important one. If we are unable to be in union with Christ and walk with him ALONE, then we are setting ourselves up to be misled... and right over the cliff. We don't HAVE to follow Christ alone ALL the time, of course - there are others who share our same faith.

If we CAN'T walk with him alone, however, we are placing ourselves in a precarious situation, one where we just MIGHT compromise that faith if it means losing association with loved ones and others. Particularly spouses, children, and parents. That desire to "belong" to a group... to be "loved/accepted" by those we WANT to love/accept us is one of THE most dangerous qualities of ours that our Adversary exploits. It starts somewhere around puberty, when we are no longer content to play alone... or spend time with our parents... but are drawn by PEER PRESSURE to belong to a certain group of folks. Folks we WANT to accept us, for whatever reason (usually, it's because such folks have held themselves out as being "better" than us, for some reason, and not wanting to be "less than" in ANYONE'S eyes, we are compelled to join and conform with them!).

Because we DO have the desire to "belong" (and usually to a group of "like-minded" folks, although we are sometimes willing to CHANGE our "minds" just to belong)... we then seek to please others, to be loved/accepted by them, and so "part" of something. EVEN if it's something we don't believe in/agree with!!

The question for US, though, is WHAT group should WE want to belong to? "Part" of WHAT "something"?

The reality, for US, is supposed to be the group that has their names "enrolled in the heavens." Meaning, written in the Lamb's (spiritual) Book. The ILLUSION created by the WTBTS is that it is a group of humans who "have their minds upon the things upon the earth." However, by having their minds focused so these show that they belong to THIS world... and NOT to kingdom of our Lord. Because that kingdom is not OF this world.

And so, yes, "bad association" CAN "spoil useful habits." FAITH... and particularly that "to the preserving of life"... which is NOT the possession of all men... is a VERY "useful" habit. As is love, joy, peace, kindness, mildness, goodness, long-suffering, and self-control. But along with those... mercy, pity, compassion, forgiveness... all of the things found in the TRUE "fast" of JAH... and not in a "form of godly devotion" that "proves false to its power." Isaiah 58:1-7

Again, thank you for that very insightful, true, even sublime comment.

Peace to you and your dear wife!

YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,

SA

Thanks Aguest, there certainly is a lot to be said for spending time with like minded people!

Recently a sister said to me that we should try harder to get to the meetings. Ignoring her rudeness having just explained to her that Mrs Smith suffers from an anxiety condition, I just said to her "Well we listen in on the phone as much as we can and don't forget, where two or more are gathered, Jesus is with them" She blinked a few times and then changed subject. These poor JWs claim to be the best educated people, but are sometimes completely ignorant of the simple truths and basic sayings of the scriptures.

Its the end of the week here in Australia. Having a nice quiet night at home this evening. Tomorrow Mrs Smith and I are planning to have a lazy morning and then are going to watch a movie later in the day.

Hope you all had a nice week, have a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you get up to.

WS

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

Winston Smith, thank you for sharing. It is wonderful to hear stories like yours and proves yet again how wrong the "truth" is.
You and your wife must be so happy to be free though I am sure its a bit bittersweet that many people you know and love are still trapped there mentally.

from Zoe who escaped 28 years ago and takes it for granted now.

This was something that often confused me while inside, dear WS (peace to you!). It would blow my mind that very simple truths were dismissed while total incorrect/erroneous statements were accepted at truth! Many misquotes, misapplication of quotes, out of context statements... and the lack of knowledge of word meanings... OY!!!. It has blown my mind even more since leaving, especially in my internet forum participation (not here - LOL!). Few inside understand the utter arrogance displayed in believing that they ARE educated, in ANY sense, while being SO cut off from "reality", let alone the world. Many initially bring that arrogance with after leaving.

We are supposed to be no part of the world, yes; however, as Christ stated, we are still IN the world. And so we CAN be in it, know it, even learn with it, without being a PART of it. Because the "world" HE was speaking of was those who "hate" their brother, and thus him, and thus God. Not all who are in the world do, of course, EVEN those who don't believe in HIM - they don't "hate" him, they just don't recognize him as THEIR savior. But they DO love their brother and "do good" to such, as well as to others, including us... and are not "against", us.

The WTBTS, however, IS against us... literally. And so THEY are the "world" our dear Lord spoke about, the world that has a "form of godly devotion but proving false to its power." In this, they make themselves MORE of "the world" than any others on the planet. By means of their hypocrisy and very poor treatment of not just their enemies but their own brothers, they DENY the Christ. Even more, they usurp his position: calling their organization the "truth" when Christ is the ONLY Truth... and their leaders "seating themselves in the seat of Moses," and making themselve the ones folks must go through in order to have a relationship with God ("Jehovah"), when NO ONE comes to God except through Christ!

I am SO glad for you and your dear wife that you have been able to get free. I beg you, though: do NOT simply stand outside the gate... because it is JUST as dangerous there as being inside that adulterous "city." FLEE... to the "mountains" (Zion, which is NOT as some on the earth think, but is the mound on which the HEAVENLY "city", the NEW Jerusalem, sits!)... so as to get as far away from her as possible. Because when she is demolished, anything and everything in the near vicinity is subject to "go down" with her.

Again, peace to you!

YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,

Shellama

Hello Zoe! 28 years free is fantastic! I'm guessing life is very different now than it used to be for you. Great stuff.

I hope by sharing my story here and on other forums members and lurkers alike might see that it is possible to escape the clutches of the WTS.

Thanks again, keep in touch

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

So it has now been more than two months since I last went to a meeting (apart from the Memorial). Mrs Smith hasn't been along since the Memorial.

How many elders have phoned?

Zero.

How many elders have visited?

Zero.

How many people in the congegation have visited, phoned, or texted?

Zzzzzzzzzzzero.

I don't know if I should be happy or offended!

Of course we are quite happy that we're being left alone for now. It really does show how for the majority of JWs, especially elders, everything needs to be programmed in order to be successful. When they are left on their own, to be motivated by their own will, their focus is inward. This why when the CO comes, post visit there is a flurry of shepherding. Things soon fall back to how they were.

The only contact we have had was a text from our Group Overseer. This was just after we missed the Special Talk and Zone Overseer talk in consecutive weekends. Can you guess what his message was to his lost sheep? Maybe something like "How are you mate?" or "Why don't you and Mrs Smith come over for dinner?"

Nope.

The message, verbatim was: "Did I get your time for last month?"

Wow, you can really feel the love can't ya?

In all honesty, I do feel sorry for most of the elders. The WTS keeps them all so busy. There is always something to attend to, or some meeting to go along to. The WTS set up via their magazines the standards of what they expect their elders to be like, meanwhile, in the real world, lots of them struggle to have a family study let alone find the time to mark their WT. Jesus yoke is kind and light. The expctations of the WTS are not - in their eyes you can always do more!

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

Simple Truths - Part One

Galatians 2:21 -

"I do not shove aside the undeserved kindnes of God; for if righteousness is through law, Christ actually died for nothing."

Jesus didn't give his followers lots of laws, and did away with the Mosaic Law. Christian life should be based on love and not hundreds of rules.

The WTS has proven through it's history that it does not align with what Jesus taught via his word and example. Jesus taught that love should be the motivating factor in all we do, and will lead to our salvation. The WTS teaches that compliance with their myriad of ever-changing rules is what leads to salvation.

2 Corinthians 3:6 - "....the written code condemns to death, but the spirit makes alive"

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Dr Seuss

It is important to understand that, while Christ fulfilled the law, what does that mean?
To some it means that we are no longer under the OT Laws, though SOME we are still to follow.
For others it means ALL the OT Laws that are NOT ceremonial are still be followed + the ones Christ left, which means the sabbath and such.

See, IMO, the OT laws ( the sacrificial laws and levitical ones aside) point to Sin, it made clear what sin was for a people that, after 400 years of slavery and pagan influence, needed it "written in stone" for them to get it.
Many Laws were causal ones of course.

The OT laws point to WHAT was sin.
Christs "laws" point to WHERE they came from ( intent) and WHY ( lack of love).

Now, I personally do NOT view any of Christ's commandments as "laws" in the OT since, but as commandments of love and fellowship ( which IMO makes them MORE then "just laws"), that said not every views them as such.

It should be noted that there still are many "legalistic" denominations of Christianity such as Messianic Jews and 7th day Adventists.