Peace to you Kassad!
I went through a stage where I was very lonely also. I WANTED someone to share my faith with... and in person. The loneliness was a tangible thing, and if I was ever going to be driven to join a church/denomination... well, it would have been then. But I did not; that was not the answer; and so I persevered just in Christ, and that isolated incident of loneliness passed.
I don't think the church even made it out of the first generation, without false men rising up from within the Body (as Christ did warn). Yes, it is sad, kassad, I hear you on that. That is because man is like that (divisive, selfish, prideful, wanting people to look at US, etc). But don't think that it is just because Christ had died and resurrected, and was no longer here in the flesh for men to see... because even when He did walk in the flesh, many of his disciples left off from following Him when His teachings did not go the way they wanted/expected.
But are you sure that you don't have Him as a role model to look up to, to listen to? Even if you cannot (always) hear Him, or feel Him (I don't think it is really about a feeling), we do have him to look at in what He is written to have said and done. I did that for the longest time too, just read his words, learned from those teachings and his deeds... and then when I heard from another that He does speak, and I saw that this is backed up in what is written, and I put faith in Him that when I asked, He would answer... no matter how long that took; on His time and not mine, then I asked also for ears to hear.
Because as He said,
"If anyone loves me, they will obey my teachings, and my Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with them."
In the meantime, I simply continued to follow His teachings, as best as I could do so. (which certainly does not mean that i never sinned, because I certainly did, and do, and ask forgiveness for these) So if you love Him, then follow his teachings (and this does give you a role model to look up to, doesn't it?); ask to hear if that is what you want, ask for the Spirit... and then keep your ear and heart open to hear... but don't worry, and leave the rest to Him, and to God. Know that God has heard you and will answer you.
Quote:
where is the true church? is it really composed of individuals choosing to walk away out of popular religion?
The true church is simply composed of those who belong to Christ. The Body is more about
who people are walking
TO, than who/what people are walking away from. (even though walking TO Christ, will naturally mean walking away from something that is not the Truth)
Christ is calling His people, His sheep out, yes... so that they do not share in their sins; and when the world does turn on 'her'. So that they may come to Him to have life, because when all is said and done, and "religion" is gone... He will be the One who is here. He will be the only one people have to turn TO.
As for feeling weak and wretched, we all feel weak, wretched, Kassad. Sometimes more than others... but then also joyful, because despite this that we know of ourselves, we have our Lord who loves us knowing all about us, who helps and teaches us, and who forgives us... though He already knows who/what we are. He loves us! We can put our faith in that, in Him.
Even Paul felt as you are feeling, for he said also, "what a wretched man am I" (romans 7:24); and "I am the least of the apostles, and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them-- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." (1st Corinth 15:9-10)
We are scattered through the world, though some of us have one another in person as well. So some might feel lonely at times; but Christ IS here. He is our lifeline, and we can call out to Him, look to Him, depend upon Him. Perhaps the loneliness is part of training, so that we learn TO depend upon Him, to call out to Him, so that we are prepared
and stronger for what may come. Then He may lead us to one another, the brothers and sisters that we have found from and in Him.
Peace and love to you,
tammy